I recently found myself at a small gathering where the discussion turned to the benefits of cannabis use. Benefits such as help with sleeping and anxiety were listed, as well as occasional social use. I immediately became aware of my involuntary and, perhaps, irrational internal responses to the discussion, mainly because the group was largely made up of people I care about. I became increasingly agitated as the complacent and ambivalent attitude of cannabis use became apparent.

‘It’s legal.’ – so is jumping off a cliff but that doesn’t mean it’s a good idea.

‘It’s not like I’m smoking heroin.’ – oh, I’ve heard THAT one before.

I’m not a snob or a prude. I am not on a high horse. I am traumatised. And I am recovering from seeing my daughter on the brink of death and destruction. And we are still in the process. She’s doing great – but it’s a journey. Every. Day.

It’s only weed. It’s only a gummy. It’s only …… Its okay.

It’s okay until it’s not. And by the time it’s not okay it’s not just weed and it’s not just a gummy. It’s a life course set to nosedive.

Potentially.

Sound extreme? Maybe. Not as extreme as my wish to have all drugs totally eradicated from this earth, starting with cannabis shops. This is post traumatic stress – it takes the seemingly innocent and twists it into something dark, laced with menace. It can’t be rational, calm or reasonable. All it knows is fight or flight, run or attack. Sink or swim. It doesn’t take the time to formulate clever questions nor does it have the patience for answers or the tolerance for understanding. It comes on swift and intense. It’s not funny and it most certainly isn’t okay.

While I fight to stay neutral, the trauma judges. The struggle is draining.

Please don’t misunderstand- it’s been a great 4 months. I am learning to trust Robyn’s process and understand the background behind the drug and alcohol use and abuse. I am also, however, learning to engage in my process. That has been very tricky.

I don’t think I will ever be on Team Cannabis. Or any drug for that matter. (I’m not even that enamoured with alcohol). But overcoming will have to mean enjoying a more balanced approach when the need arises. I guess I’m not there yet.